


who wandered around and around at mid-night...wondering where to go, and went

by Wolvesandwerewolves



Series: I’m With You in Rockland [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25793719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesandwerewolves/pseuds/Wolvesandwerewolves
Summary: Ben has learned a lot about Klaus since he died. He’s trying not to be worried, but he is.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: I’m With You in Rockland [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865728
Comments: 12
Kudos: 180





	who wandered around and around at mid-night...wondering where to go, and went

**Author's Note:**

> haha yeah...this is kind of a filler chapter. I am still struggling with writing vanya. writing is hard. but i’m getting there. maybe. eventually  
> anyways it’s a goal of mine to write one chapter a day which is why this is updating so quickly. let’s see if i can stick with it. 
> 
> bet you guys don’t know where this title came from. yeah i’m totally joking it’s from Howl (by Allen Ginsberg)  
> are you sick of me yet?
> 
> PS. i actually finished this one at 8 o’clock. but decided to post it after midnight to keep up with the timeline ive been using. I am ahead of the game. not really

It’s only been about eight months since he died. Not even a full year has passed and yet Ben feels almost unrecognizable. Everything has changed. Ben himself has changed. He’s wearing the same exact clothes he’s worn since the day he died, and he’s read and reread _Frankenstein_ so many times he’s started to memorize it. But he feels so different. 

He and Klaus act like brothers now, instead of just kids who grew up next to each other, separated in the same household. 

“You know you don’t have to do this,” Ben says. 

It’s three am. The streetlights shine brightly off the pavement, lighting up small sections of the sidewalk before the shadows creep back, every few feet in between each lamp post. He thinks it might be cold out, but Klaus still walks barefoot, shoes in one hand as he steps deliberately on the crunchy leaves. 

“Sure,” Klaus says, humming the tune to a song that had played almost an hour earlier in the nightclub. There’s a gas station grocery bag in his other hand, and he swings it around on his fingers as he walks. “Wasn’t it your idea?” 

Ben grimaces. It was his idea. And still, part of him wants Klaus to do this, thinks that he _should_ do this.

Because Dad lied to him, and he lied to Vanya and they both deserve better than that. Vanya still has no idea. Ben wants to tell her. Klaus wants to tell her. But he also wants to find out for himself, and Ben thinks he deserves that, too. 

But he’s also nervous. And he can tell Klaus is, too. He has no idea what’s going to happen when he stops taking the medication he’s been on since he was child.

Maybe it really does help. 

Ben is afraid that it does, on some level. Because Klaus has nightmares. He talks in his sleep sometimes. He begs to be let out, and for people to _please be quiet_ and worse. And he thinks he remembers Klaus having nightmares when they were kids, too. He wonders if they’re the same ones or if they’re different, now. Vanya probably knows, but Ben can’t ask her and Klaus doesn’t tell him.

He wishes that was it. 

Except it’s not. Because sometimes, when they see a ghost, Klaus will look over at him and ask, eerily calm and very quietly, if Ben sees them, too. And Ben will say _yes_ , and tell him a fact he doesn’t think Klaus would know, because he’s learned the past few months that it grounds him.

And Ben has noticed recently that sometimes it’s not just ghosts.

Early in the morning, or late, late at night, they’ll sit outside on the tiny apartment balcony together and Klaus will blow smoke rings into the air. Sometimes he’ll point at a bug crawling across the paint cracked wood, and ask _Is that real?_ Sometimes he’ll look over his shoulder, as if someone has called his name, except Vanya won’t be home and they’ll be all alone. 

Sometimes he won’t talk to Ben for days on end and he’ll barely talk to Vanya. Sometimes he doesn’t eat except one meal a day, or he stays in bed for hours and does nothing. Sometimes he won’t put on makeup before work or even brush his teeth or shower. 

“That was months ago,” Ben says. “You know I’m real, now.”

Klaus rolls his eyes and continues to hum instead of answering him. He shoves his shoes under one armpit, uses his free hand to dig around in the grocery bag. He grabs the small box of candy cigarettes and uses his teeth to tear open the packaging. 

Ben sighs. They’re almost to the apartment, now. “Just promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Oh, sure,” Klaus says. It doesn’t sound convincing.

“I’m running out of facts,” he says. 

His brother laughs. He pads the number into the keypad by the entrance and swings the door open, standing off to the side to let Ben in first. 

“I’ll leave the tv turned onto the nature channel tonight,” Klaus says, and grins, and the lighting in the hallway gives him a sickly yellow aura. He’s in a good mood tonight. His makeup is done and he’d even worn a sweatshirt crop top to work. 

Ben wonders if he’s excited about being off the pills or if he’s just trying to be. He’s sure they’re both still anxious about it, but Klaus doesn’t seem unsure at all. Maybe he’ll be fine. 

“I’d rather the history channel,” Ben deadpans. 

“Well, I want animal facts,” Klaus whispers. He unlocks the door, then creeps inside. It latches quietly behind them, and then he clicks the lock back into place. 

Animal facts. He’s such a child. 

“Okay,” Ben says, voice soft because it feels weird to talk out loud when everything else is so still and quiet. 

He follows Klaus into the kitchen. He doesn’t bother turning on the lights. The open curtains at the window let in enough dim blue-orange lighting to see the room. He sets the grocery bags on the counter, pulls out three packs of PEZ candies, along with a pack of real cigarettes, Mountain Dew and Reese’s. 

He leaves them setting there, and grabs his pill bottles from the cabinet before padding down the hallway to the bathroom. 

“Maybe you should—save them,” Ben says, as Klaus pops the lid off. 

But Klaus only shrugs at him and tips the bottle over the toilet. The pills plop in the bowl water and Ben watches, frowning, as they sink to the bottom. 

No going back now. 

“Oops,” Klaus says. He flushes the toilet, goes back to the kitchen with the bottles still in his hand. Then he opens each package of PEZ and counts out every small piece of candy as he drops them into his pill bottles. 

“You’re sure Vanya won’t notice?”

“As long as I’m taking my medication every morning, she probably won’t look at the pills themselves.”

“Probably,” Ben says. 

Klaus shrugs. He picks up one single piece of candy and crushes it between his teeth, raising his eyebrows at him and grinning like a challenge. Or like a joke. Sometimes he can’t tell. 

“Probably,” he says. He smiles. This time it looks reassuring on his face, not quite so mocking. “I’ll tell her after.”

Ben nods. He hopes Klaus knows what he’s doing.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ben may be a semi-unwilling accomplice but he is an accomplice nonetheless...i’m sure it’ll be fine tho 
> 
> wow two whole chapters now where klaus doesn’t smoke a cigarette. it was hard to write. it’s still referenced but whatever. 
> 
> next chapter is probs gonna be what i said would happen last chapter...for this chapter..uh maybe  
> i guess we’ll find out together


End file.
